.

now we are a couple and i believe that all those dreams are going to come true, but also that i'm going to have support to my family, support to all of my traumas, support in my career, and we're going to have beautiful babies, and we we're going to have so many kids because i've always dreamed about it. 

in my mind, we would be such a beautiful and great couple, together for life, we would be increadible entrepeneurs, build empires with our names and our carreer. i didn't fucking know how, but in my mind we would do it. we were invincible in my dreams. we were all that was good, and it was all that was good for a long time, untill i realized that maybe our dreams were not aligned... maybe you didn't want the same as me. 

i believed you wanted all of this, of course i did believe this during this years of relationship. and for so many times it seemed that you wanted these things as well. you told me you were in this with me... but as i try to recall, i don't think i've ever asked you if you wanted this things, in this order, with this responsability that is mine, not yours. i just think i put it on you, and you were too afraid to tell me no, or to back down. i think that, in some point, you were just so happy to make all that i wanted, because it would make me happy, but... what was the price to it? 

now, probably i don't even know who i am withou you - and that's the saddest thing i've ever heard about anyone. but it gets worse, because being with you i made me forget (or pretend that i forgot) that i was all alone, and that even you would go away sometime. 

that's some fucked up thought created by all those traumas that made me suppress your consent to my dreams and idealizations. and i'm so sorry for the both of us. but i can't help but think that if i just have remembered it while we were together... maybe i would've kept some dreams to myself, maybe i could've dreamed some dreams just for me. this way, when/if we broke up sometime, i would still have something to call mine. 

but it was all ours when it ended. and i've never felt this empty before.